How Scotty came into Carr’s life is the result of the nightmare of every parent. The worst thing that could ever happen to a parent is to lose a child, but that is what happened to Carr. After his wife left him and took their son, he lost touch with the boy. He tried to visit him when he could, but his ex-wife and her family quickly let him know of their distaste for having him there. Massachusetts was a long way to go, but Carr was happy when he got to spend time with his son. Trips to come and visit Carr soon became too difficult for them to manage. The rancor made it difficult. After a few years, the boy became cold to his dad’s presence. A father’s feelings can be hurt too, it became more comfortable to let it all fade away. He used the distance as an excuse. Therein lies the guilt for many divorced dads. What Carr didn’t realize, was that his son was gay. That realization was quite a load for a 14-year-old boy to handle by himself. If he thought of his parents at all. It was to worry about what a disappointment he would be if they knew. He didn’t know that everyone had figured that out.
###
Loretta and the women at the salon were busy talking about Carr and his gay son that morning. Dottie noted that Carr was a blatant heterosexual and it seemed strange that he could have a son who was so “In your face” gay. Edie, the new stylist, said, “I heard that homosexuality comes from the mother.”
Dottie said, “I heard that too. I don’t why they say that. My dad announced to my mother that he was gay when I was 10 years old. He moved out and now lives with a man who is ten years younger. My grandmother always seemed normal to me. “
“You know, my sister-in-law’s father did the same thing. He just announced that he was gay and moved in with a younger man also.” Edie said. “She said her family was shocked and couldn’t figure out why.”
“Loretta, this has got to be rare. That is two instances in a small group. There must be a reason, how do you think it started?” Dottie asked.
Without looking up from her appointment book, Loretta said, “With a kiss.”
###
After graduating high school, Junior decided to leave Massachusetts and go to college in Austin, Texas. At first, Carr was elated. He had hoped Junior would want to move closer to his dad. That wasn’t the case, he wasn’t treated all that well in New England as a homosexual. He hoped a new start might make life more bearable. That wasn’t what happened. Texas wasn’t welcoming to a gay young man either and he turned that into anger towards his father.
Carr tried to contact his son, but his calls and letters were never answered. He knew he was gay and was worried about his sullen demeanor. Nothing seemed to work. The few times he saw him were of no use. Being a thousand miles closer seemed farther away. His only recourse was to let go and let God. Maybe with time.
Four years had passed when Carr got a phone call from Scotty. A friend of Junior’s called and said he was very sick. He thought his dad should know what was going on. He needed help and money for medical attention.
Carr arrived to find his son emaciated and very sick. There were sores on his body that would not heal. He had a terrible cough and was as weak as a kitten. Carr was devastated, his mother was the last person he saw that was this sick. She suffered a slow and agonizing death. His little man was that sick now. It was like a knife through his heart. The ache radiated from there, sickening his stomach. It was the kind of pain that was going to worsen with time. He knew it would never go away, only leave a hole in his life. The best he could hope for was to learn how to one day cope with the daily heartache. It took all he had to function because now his little boy needed him.
Their first trip was back to the Doctor. He wanted to hear for himself what was wrong, and he was also willing to throw large amounts of money into the problem. Nothing but the best. His son was dying of AIDS and there was little that could be done. Hell, he didn’t even know what AIDS was until it began to devour his “Little Man”. He found out that if they could have started treatment of his symptoms earlier, he would have been able to slow the decline. Maybe with time, something could be found to help with treatment. Junior was hard-headed and thought he had pneumonia and it would improve. It didn’t and the decline was an inexorable death march. Loretta and Travis came to Austin to offer what help they could. Loretta stayed with Junior for 24 hours to give Carr a chance to rest. Even though he had been up 72 hours straight. He thought he didn’t need to be relieved, but when his head hit the pillow, he slept for 16 hours straight. Loretta talked to the Doctors and Scotty. She felt that the more she knew, the more help she could be to Carr.
Junior suffered greatly. It was a slow deterioration of his strength and ability to breathe. When death finally came, he weighed 90 pounds and looked like a skeleton. Carr looked for something of his little boy that had remained in his rheumy eyes, the way he smiled, or some evidence of his wit. Anything that could remind him of his little boy. Nothing that he recognized was there. Death’s icy fingers weren’t so fast as to not allow guilt to consume him before Junior died. He marinated in the thoughts of, “I should have been there more often for him, how could I have let my ego stand in the way of doing what was right for my little man?” That last moment of life for Junior delivered the verdict: It is over, you can’t do anything more, and you should have been there for him.
It was as if a stranger had died and took his son with him. Carr called his ex-wife and told her of their son’s passing. He wanted instructions on where to have Junior’s body sent. Thinking they would want to have the funeral in Massachusetts seemed like a logical choice. That was where he grew up. To his surprise, his mother said to have him buried in Texas. That is what Carr planned to do then. He would be interred in the family plot with his grandparents in Texas. He understood his son’s sadness better then. The family that raised him didn’t seem to care.
Funerals are for the deceased’s family. Not the dead. Carr was a community leader, so a lot of people were expected to come to the funeral. It was to be held in the Baptist Church because it was a bigger venue. The pew in the right front of the church was reserved for the family of the deceased. It was empty except for Carr. The boy’s mother and family didn’t come, without a word of explanation, absence was their only statement.
It was evident to everyone in attendance that Carr was going to be alone in the family pew. Loretta sat in the pew behind Carr. She leaned over and whispered to him that Scotty was outside in his car crying. “You should have him sit with you.”
“No, I am not so inclined. He was probably the one that gave Junior AIDS. I’m just not that big at this moment” he said.
“You asshole, Scotty is not HIV positive. Your son didn’t catch this from him. He was the only one who gave your son affection at the end of his life. ‘Who’ll grant succor to the leper?’ All he did was try to help.” Loretta hissed.
That was the moment that everything that Carr thought he knew crumbled. He slowly stood up and started to walk in front of the pew to the aisle and then outside.
Loretta stood up too. She looked at the preacher and those in attendance and signaled with her right hand out, fingers spread, and palm down. With a downward motion, like she was pushing on a tabletop, she let everyone know to just wait. It was a move that those who are used to command can make with little ruckus.
Carr arrived at Scotty’s car to see him wailing with both hands on the wheel. He was inconsolable in his grief. Carr opened the door and Scotty looked up at him with a look of unbearable sadness. He reached down grabbing his arm to help him get out of the car. At once, he realized that Carr was bringing him inside. He was sobbing so much that it made breathing difficult. On the way into the church, Carr said, “Get control of yourself son, it is up to you and me to see what dignity we can give to my son and your friend.” Scotty wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t respond. He immediately quieted to intermittent sobs.
They sat in the middle of the pew by themselves. Carr had his arm around Scotty’s shoulders while he sobbed quietly. It may be said in life that at the end of everything, nobody gives a shit, two wounded sentinels alone on a wooden pew, were proof that someone did give a shit.
###
One morning the subject of conversation turned to Scotty and Carr.
“I think that Carr has Scotty in his life now because he is replacing his lost son. Maybe to prove to himself that he could accept a gay son,” Harold said.
Glenn offered, “To see him ride around in that T-Bird convertible with Carr is something. He has a shit-eating grin on his face when they drive around. He is as happy as I have ever seen someone be.”
Freddy said, “ I heard Carr had to go to Austin to check on him because he had to go to the emergency room with a gerbil up his ass. We, in law enforcement, call that gerbilling.” The group gave Freddy a “You pompous dumbass” stare that lasted 3 or 4 seconds.
“My God! That is some sick shit! Why would they do that? A gerbil is a rodent with sharp teeth and claws. If the little guy could survive the journey. He would be highly pissed on arrival. Someone could bleed to death,” said Glenn.
“Well, I talked to Carr, and he said that Scotty had to have a Coke bottle removed from his ass. It seems he went to a party and was the victim of a crowd that didn’t like him. He must have been hated by everyone,” said Harold.
“Evidently,” said Vic
“Carr was surprised that a human could survive that. What is more shocking was that Scotty wanted to go back there two days after leaving the hospital. Damn, it is like a victim searching for his assassin”, said Harold
“I can just imagine after being counseled by the Doctor and him saying, ‘Gee Whiz Doc! Can’t a guy have a social life?’” Laughed Vic.