Dwight, the garbage man’s cousin, stopped Carr on the street to show off his new tattoo. His sister got some used tattoo equipment from Craigslist for Christmas. Dwight was her first customer. “No Regerts”, it was artfully done though.
He gave a quizzical look when asked, “Are you sure about that?”
The Holidays have come and gone in our little hamlet. Life is starting to get back to normal. Dwight, the garbage man’s cousin, is back to hanging around the feed store looking for work. Nothing permanent mind you, just to earn enough money to afford a few weeks of watching Dr. Phil, Judge Judy, and Dr. Pimple Popper. When broke he can be found at the feed store looking for part-time work. That is the rhythm of his life.
The part-time job helping his cousin with the garbage at Christmas time left him flush with cash for a while. He loved the job but was ready to get back to watching his shows. Two weeks is a long time to work. Having to get up early every day is a task he found onerous. He thinks collecting trash is a pleasant break from time to time. It is easy to work if his cousin doesn’t drive too fast and you can keep anything you find. Another plus. He has mentioned if he had to have a permanent job, being a garbage man might be a good fit.
His TV habits have added to his stature. If anyone at the feed store is worried about a spot on their body, has questions about contract law, or can’t figure out why their grandkids are acting out, Dwight can offer an opinion and his answers seem well-informed. In the collective experience of small-town life, Dwight has his place.
The Feed Store is the most sacred meeting place. A thousand years ago it would have been called the forum. The store sells feed for your livestock and a good selection of parts, hardware, and plants for your garden in the spring. There is a large round table with chairs, a tv with Fox News, and a large coffee pot. The table would be covered with newspapers in the morning that give way to dominoes at noon. Carr would often say, “Cable news was put on this earth to make old people mad.” It is amazing how so few epithets could describe so many different politicians.
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We used to have five people named Dwight in our tiny little burg. Five is a lot and keeping track of them in conversation is hard to do because everyone knows them. There used to be an “Old Dwight” and then a “Dwight with the walker”. “Old Dwight” recently passed away leaving “Dwight with the walker” as the oldest Dwight remaining. He became the “Dwight, who’s not dead”. As if getting rid of the walker referral made the name less cumbersome. That reasoning is accurate on several levels. “Li’l Dwight” attends elementary school. Enough said. Then there is “Dwight, the one who works”. Yes, he is the only one with a full-time job.
That brings us back to Dwight, the garbage man’s cousin. The Village Handyman. He prefers jobs that can be dispatched in less than a day. He hates waiting on paydays. The Neimans use his services often. Mowing, moving furniture, painting, and landscaping are just some of the things he does for them. The Neimans are an interesting couple. She is a large woman and he is a rather slight man. Dwight always thought it strange that she referred to her husband as Master. It was always “Yes Master” or “No Master” whenever they talked. That always confused Dwight, because his name was Carl. But, then again, they did lots of strange things that he didn’t understand. Dwight is a very handsome guy. That fact was not lost on Greta Neiman. She often called him “her little Liebchen”. Often pinching or patting his cheeks. He was used to that kind of attention from women, but never with their husbands standing right there. Carl even had a big smile on his face when this was happening. She even made a big deal of the fact that she has permission to have her very own sub. As far as Dwight was concerned, a sandwich isn’t that big of a deal. A person of normal intellect would be creeped out. All systems shut down on Dwight. He became a deer in headlights.
Greta always wore jodhpurs and knee-high riding boots. The English-style jodhpurs, that flair out between the outer hips and knees. She was an exceptionally large and imposing woman as it was, this garb made for a more “in your face” presentation. Lately, she began carrying a riding crop and would often slap her right boot pipe to make a point. Sometimes she would slap her boot, wink, and ask Dwight if he has been a bad boy. This would unsettle him and make him wish he could just hide. He couldn’t understand her behavior. Hell, she didn’t even have a horse, that he knew of, nor a big dog for all those dog collars on the wall. When he told Carr about what she said, he laughed and replied, “If you ever tell her yes. You won’t like how it ends.”
The Neiman’s have an online business selling leather goods. Gtetaswhips-n-things.com became a successful business. Since they started the “Greta’s Greatest Hits Starter Set”, things have been going fantastic. Dwight has been driving to the Post Office to mail the packages. He gets a big kick out of knowing these packages will be going everywhere in America, even Alaska. The Neimans were from Austin. Greta and Carl were just trying to share some of that “Keep Austin Weird” with America.
A lot of people thought the Neimans added fun to life. However, there were a few that didn’t like that kind of behavior. The dislike was so intense, that it caused some people to go to the other side of the street when they approached. In a normal town that wouldn’t be so noticeable. In a town with only one street, it is hard to ignore.
Carr has always treated Dwight in a paternal manner. Making sure Dwight and his siblings had the money for books and fees in school was something he did before Dwight’s mother became successful with her business. Being the richest guy in the area made him the guy that Greta didn’t want to alienate. She engaged Carr in conversation to find out how he felt about Dwight working for her. “As long as he doesn’t find out that, Dumbo can’t really fly, from you. I don’t care. He is a good kid who can use the money,” was all he said.