Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
What happens when half of the flesh sickens? Clifford Simmons knows all too well. Cliff is an 80-yr old farmer who has been married to Mildred for over 60-yrs. Without formal education, these two had only one option for building a life. That was hard work. Little by little they worked and saved until they were able to buy some farmland. Hard labor is key when farming. They were willing. Together they built a farm that was the envy of the county. His hands were calloused and his fingers flat and wide from being used all day every day. Her hands reflected washing clothes, and dishes, shelling peas, and working in the garden. The callouses made his hands seem enormous. When they were held in prayer it made you think of a beautiful painting. A tableau that finds beauty in a life of toil.
Ten years ago Millie started showing signs of dementia. It could have been Alzheimer’s, Cliff never shared what the Doctors said. The progression went at a steady pace. Changes were made to keep her safe. The kitchen was locked so she couldn’t light the stove or get to any knives. Cliff took no chances. Everything in the house or outside was child proofed. A tall fence around the yard was put in place. Most of the time she seemed OK. Then sometimes she just seemed lost and bewildered. There was a large pile of sand in the backyard with a bucket and plastic shovel that children use at the beach. When confused she would play in the sand for hours. If this evoked pleasant memories or just a playful activity, Cliff never knew. As it got worse expressions of fear, confusion, and anger would play across her face. Like little electrical disturbances in the night sky. He watched her closely to tell her he loved her at the times he hoped she could understand.
He had to continue working because that is all he knew. Up till now, it was how they conquered life’s travails. His kids came home often to help. His neighbors helped too. They were good people with lots of friends, they weren’t alone.
Every day he would bathe and feed her. They sat on the back porch every evening to watch the sunset as they had for 60 years. He would brush her hair 100 strokes as was her habit before the change. He counted out loud each stroke. She seems to know, or he thought she did. Then he would hold her hand as they watched the sunset. He didn’t know this, but she did feel that familiar hand and knew how it has changed over the years. It was as if sixty years of being loved were distilled into the holding of that rough paw. She had moments when she knew she was slipping away, but someone who cared was with her. The fear was gone in those times.
Of late, when he went to tend the livestock or check the fields. She would go outside wearing nothing but a sunbonnet. Playing in the sand nude with her pail and shovel was her new pastime. She was quite happy in the sun. As the old folk would say, “She just liked being outside in her all-togethers.” He had put a sign on the front gate with his cell number. People would call and he would rush back to the house to cover her up.
Of course, this became the talk of our village. Loretta nipped it in the bud at the salon. “Unless it’s about taking up a collection for sunscreen or you have a better love story to tell. Shut up!” We just waited on the time she would be institutionalized.